tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post3098443367886419761..comments2023-10-31T04:06:54.712-05:00Comments on Berry Creative: March madness Prep #9Jessicahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15266768293318241499noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-66681279394232258702021-02-20T05:56:55.735-06:002021-02-20T05:56:55.735-06:00Satta King
Excellent website! I adore how it is ea...<a href="https://gurusattaking.com/" rel="nofollow">Satta King</a><br />Excellent website! I adore how it is easy on my eyes it is. I am questioning how I might be notified whenever a new post has been made. Looking for more new updates. Have a great day!<br />If Want Play online <a href="https://sattaking-guru.com/" rel="nofollow">Satta King</a> Game Click <a href="https://sattaking-satta-king.com/" rel="nofollow">Satta King</a> :-Satta King -Satta-King https://www.blogger.com/profile/16063796590981645697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-15279120177540302042019-11-08T05:39:53.195-06:002019-11-08T05:39:53.195-06:00Know that you need a good team to get involved in ...Know that you need a good team to get involved in real estate investing. <a href="https://www.gangabhakti.com/" rel="nofollow">Ganga Bhakti</a> At a minimum, you need a Realtor, accountant and a lawyer you can all trust. You might even need an investor or a party of fellow investors. Reach out through your personal connections to find individuals who will not let you down.<a href="https://www.gangabhakti.com/" rel="nofollow">Ganga Music</a><br />Ganga Musichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11796559051883328132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-7580435897368823162019-10-04T02:58:38.304-05:002019-10-04T02:58:38.304-05:00play bazaar
thoda sa me khafa ho gya apne aap se
...<a href="http://www.playbazzar.xyz/" rel="nofollow">play bazaar</a><br />thoda sa me khafa ho gya apne aap se <br />thoda sa khud pe bhi bewajha he malal aaye<a href="http://www.playbazzar.xyz/" rel="nofollow">Satta matka</a><br /><br />tya6ihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10390641251474798574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-23199526153704054132012-03-19T10:21:54.362-05:002012-03-19T10:21:54.362-05:00LOVE the premise.LOVE the premise.Bethany Crandellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08465408035247412662noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-56495454134917891572012-02-29T16:38:39.560-06:002012-02-29T16:38:39.560-06:00Thanks for everyone's wonderful advice! I'...Thanks for everyone's wonderful advice! I've been able to fix up my entry as best as I could because of you guys. :) Good luck to everyone else in the contest!Jennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16796597536718545426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-21265330901852982692012-02-29T13:36:05.313-06:002012-02-29T13:36:05.313-06:00This made me laugh. Great voice in the first 250 w...This made me laugh. Great voice in the first 250 words as well as the pitch. In the pitch, as far as wording, I do think it should be "they've been dating" instead of "they'd."<br /><br />Nice job!Stephanie Diazhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10606180983300679986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-53730465527517112852012-02-29T10:23:26.214-06:002012-02-29T10:23:26.214-06:00Take out the pre-prelaw, it doesn't make sense...Take out the pre-prelaw, it doesn't make sense bc no one knows what that means. <br /><br />Veronica made a great suggestion. Maybe try to get aspiring prelaw student in the pitch.<br /><br />I also didn't like the wording "kind of scratchy"<br /><br />Evidence number two has a lot of unnecessary information. You could take out some of that paragraph and give a little tease of her reaction or what she does next.<br /><br />I love the pitch and the voice. Great Job!Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15266768293318241499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-73446996431187373282012-02-28T11:42:28.329-06:002012-02-28T11:42:28.329-06:00You have great suggestions here. I love the excerp...You have great suggestions here. I love the excerpt, but that pre-prelaw bit through me. Is she in high school? I love Veronica's change for the "aspiring prelaw" - Great pitch!Brenda Drakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01263237745979525170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-7465912166447871562012-02-27T21:39:25.313-06:002012-02-27T21:39:25.313-06:00Much better after the revisions. I second the sug...Much better after the revisions. I second the suggestion to remove the vanilla tea candles, though. <br /><br />For the pitch, how about "When aspiring prelaw student Taylor Simmons wakes up in bed with Evan McKinley, she knows she can save her tarnished reputation if everyone thinks they’re dating. But first, she has to convince him to help." - 35 words, and no pre-prelaw confusion :)Veronica Bartleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04452926814324819692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-55934616956391772352012-02-27T17:47:52.508-06:002012-02-27T17:47:52.508-06:00I’m still a little hung up on the “pre-prelaw” but...I’m still a little hung up on the “pre-prelaw” but other than that, I love your pitch!<br /><br />Ooh, I loved this! Great voice in this opening. My only suggestion is to omit the part about the vanilla tea candles. It seemed like unnecessary information that drew me out of what was going on a little bit. Really, other than that, I love it :-) I also want to say great job bringing in the senses! I would definitely read on.Ashley Makerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13760353417553975473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-76872203765789624812012-02-27T12:29:19.381-06:002012-02-27T12:29:19.381-06:00Thanks for your comments! Someone suggested I put ...Thanks for your comments! Someone suggested I put "aspiring prelaw student" instead to clarify things, but I was already at the 35 word limit so I was trying to cheat a bit :) But there's already been three strikes so it's out!<br /><br />I've also changed the sample a tad so it would move along a little quicker rather then just staying on her thought. Thanks for your comments though!Jennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16796597536718545426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-67164017072319715862012-02-27T11:53:30.425-06:002012-02-27T11:53:30.425-06:00The pre-prelaw also threw me a bit.
I kind of fel...The pre-prelaw also threw me a bit.<br /><br />I kind of felt like the opening was a little too rambly. By the end, I wondered how long she was going to lie in an unfamiliar bed with her eyes closed, reminiscing about her house and her family. If she knew she wasn't in her bed, but didn't know where she was, wouldn't she want to open her eyes and figure it out?Veronica Bartleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04452926814324819692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1177189231472271099.post-42519976312919337062012-02-27T11:18:36.732-06:002012-02-27T11:18:36.732-06:00This one made me smile. Sounds like she's got ...This one made me smile. Sounds like she's got a bit of a conundrum!! I LOVE the voice, and your opening grabbed me from the start! I want more, I got to the end and I was like, where's the rest of it? :D My only hang-up is the phrase "pre-prelaw". Is she in high school? Is there another way you could phrase what you're trying to say there? :) Other than that, loved it and I seriously want more!!!Cortney Pearsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00774060537148628453noreply@blogger.com